The parenthood penalty is a thing, and we completely understand that bringing up a parental leave policy with your employer may feel scarier than another year of lockdown. However, parental leave is a quintessential period of time for all new parents to recover physically, be with their baby, and learn how to care for this new family member.
We’ve put together a How-To Guide for you, full of mental preparation steps, key statistics to bring to your employer, and personal plans for you and your partner to make sure you’re ready for your new arrival.
Your feelings are valid, but don’t let them dictate your actions
- If you’re feeling guilty or pressured: know that the stigma around taking leave from work (especially in the US) is extremely toxic. Recognize that any guilt you may feel is due to societal pressure, and not because you don’t deserve this. Parental leave isn’t a vacation, it’s a crucial time that ALL parents need to adjust to their new lives. Also, it doesn’t just benefit parents, it helps employers in the long run too, we’ll talk more about that later.
- If you’re feeling nervous or intimidated: reach out to someone you trust. If you have other colleagues who are in the same position or are planning to have kids in the future, try negotiating as a group. You can also connect with other people online who have been in or are in a similar situation. Try Facebook groups, Reddit, or other online communities. You’re not alone in this!
- If, like us, you’re feeling frustrated as f*ck about the lack of support for new parents, channel that energy into something productive. Contact your representative to vote for federal paid leave. Contact your HR and ask about your leave policy. Start a support group for working parents at your workplace. Make an angry TikTok and tag us in it — whatever helps.
Know your rights
Get educated about your eligibility for job-protected leave under federal, state, and municipal laws. Be ready to explain those rights to your employer.
- The Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA) allows workers up to 12 weeks of job-protected, unpaid leave. This is a federal law but will depend on your employment and your eligibility — check to see if you’re eligible here.
- Do your due diligence and read up on your employee handbook or contact your HR department if you have one.
Use statistics as leverage
Make the business case for your employer. Use statistics to help convince your employer why parental leave is so important. Here are a few juicy ones to get you going:
- When Google changed their parental leave policy from 12 weeks of paid leave to five months of leave with full pay and full benefits, the attrition of new mothers dropped by 50 percent.
- The cost of employee turnover can range from 30% of annual salary for an entry-level employee, 125% of annual salary for a manager, and 1–2 years' annual salary for director positions or above. Paying for (at least!) three months of parental leave will save your employer money in the long run.
- Paid leave is proving to be a distinguishing factor for many businesses in terms of employee retention — 77% of millennials cite paid leave as having some bearing on where they choose to work.
You can also look at other progressive companies as a reference point.
Make a detailed leave plan
To make the process as smooth (and painless!) as possible, plan thoroughly. Discuss with your partner. Get all your research, statistics, and thoughts down in writing to put together a comprehensive plan before your first meeting with your employer. By making your plans clear and showing a proactive approach, you’ll reassure your employer you’re not leaving anyone in the lurch.
Make a timeline: consider how much time you will need before and after your child arrives. Does your company have an existing leave policy and is it sufficient? Can your partner take any time off work? Also, take into account the unexpected; premature births can happen, so you might want to factor that into your timeline.
Review your workload: Write down everything you normally have responsibility for so that your employer and your colleagues know to get everything covered when the time comes. How much do you plan to stay in touch with your team, especially if you’re a manager? How will they reach you if there’s an emergency? You’ll most likely want a lighter workload when it comes closer to the due date, so plan your workload accordingly.
Make a back-to-work plan: how and when will you want to go back to work? Would you want to dive straight back in or phase in slowly?
Make a list of non-negotiables: what are the things that you can’t compromise on? Is it having 12 weeks off? Of course, you must be open to compromise, but ensure you prioritize what’s most important to you and be clear with your expectations.
Have a backup plan: Consider all the options available to you. Work arrangements such as flexible working, remote working, and compressed hours, might be practical solutions for you and your employer if you’re unable to take more time off.
When, where, how?
- Give as much notice as possible to ensure that everyone is prepared and ready for your leave.
- Set a face-to-face meeting. Use your leave plan as an agenda to guide you through the meeting with your manager or HR.
- Ensure that everyone involved is in the loop.
- Record your negotiation so you can put everything you discussed into writing.
What if I’m working at a start-up and I feel like I can’t take leave?
As a startup ourselves — we feel you! However, there are very creative ways that you can still take leave without feeling like you’re leaving the team behind.
One of our friends instituted a tapered leave policy when she took maternity leave at her startup that looked like the below. Please think of this as a framework, and adjust as necessary for your bandwidth and boundaries, as well as company needs. Remember that newborns (and therefore, you) will not be getting much sleep for the first 3–4 months, and your productivity levels may not feel what they once were.
Birth to 8 weeks: On Leave
Weeks 9–12: Work 1 day a week (equivalent of 8 hours)
Weeks 13–16: Work 2 days a week (equivalent of 16 hours)
Weeks -17–20: Work 3 days a week (equivalent of 24 hours)
Weeks 20+: Work full-time
Hire a part-time consultant or intern for 5–10 hours/week to support
